So I didn't get you any flowers. Or chocolate. Or jewelry. Or anything actually. I bought you a card a week ago and it is still in my purse waiting for me to write in it, buy stamps and mail it. Hopefully you will get it by the end of May...But what I do have for you is this:
Dear Mama,
After 33 years together, you know me better than sometimes I even know myself. When I overextend myself and am running ragged, you know by the sigh in my voice and gently remind me to go to sleep a little early tonight. When I have been beat up by the world and am beginning to doubt myself, you gently remind me of all the things I do right and where my strengths lie. When I am ready to go into battle, you are right there next to me - whether it is in spirit, prayer and actually fighting on my behalf! How do you say thank you for that type of devotion?
You are my original home - your body and your love cradled me for 10+ months. You carried me within your womb for over 42 weeks. You went through days of prodromal labor with me, only for me to finally roar out of you. You fed me with your own body, while caring for a toddler and husband and house. You kissed my boo-boos, hugged me tight, never complained in the middle of the night when I woke up just because. You held me when I was sick and sang to me.
You taught me to love others as I loved myself. You taught me to turn the other cheek and to pick my battles. You prayed for me, and with me, and spoke blessings upon me.
At every stage of my life, you put my needs before your own. You have been mother, chef, chauffeur, maid, friend, counselor, teacher, doctor, nurse, guide, coach, and so much more. Every decision that you made from the time I was conceived has been filtered through what was best for me (not you!).
It must have been heart wrenchingly painful when each of those stages came to an end and you had to let me go a little bit. And then a little bit more. But you allowed me space to find myself and be myself and let me go.
I believe that being a mother is the most difficult thing anyone can ever do. But I am not sure that joy is truly felt until the moment that a mother is born. Every moment is sweeter, every blessing is doubled, every opportunity is magical.
So, today and every day, I celebrate you, Mama. You have shaped me and helped mold me into the woman and mother that I am. When I look into the eyes of my sweet baby boy, I feel closer to you than I ever have before. I know the secret...it's love. It knows no beginning or end. It is a gift. Thank you for this gift. I hope that when you look into my eyes, you see it too.
Love, Deva
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
To Whom Much Is Given
Ever had a thought just run through your head over and over and over?? Well I have. I usually I find that it is the Lord trying to get my attention and He usually has to be a little persistent for me to sit up and fully understand what He is saying.
Luke 12:48b, "...From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more."
I think that I have always read this verse and heard the adage, "to whom much is given..." and just assumed it didn't apply to me. WOW! How small minded of me. As if God is any respecter of persons. As if someone's bank account determines their worth. As if social status actually matters.
"To whom much is given" - Well let's just see what I've been given. I've been given eyesight (not good, but correctable with contacts!) to see the beauty of this world and the faces of loved ones. I've been given hearing - to hear the laughter of my son, my husband tell me he loves me, and all the sounds of this world. I've been given two arms and two legs so that I may carry the load that God has given me and run the race set before me. I've been given health, that even though I've had some rough spots, God has brought me through them all and given me a deeper appreciation for those in pain and in need of healing. I've been given love - a deep, stubborn love for my husband that has already weathered so many storms in the few years we've been together and is growing stronger daily; a ferocious love for my son; a love for true friends that knows no words, and can only be measured by the heart, shared only by experience and mutual admiration; and a love for family, both the one that I have and the one I am creating. I've been given laughter and beautiful people to share it with. I've been given passion - while not everyone will agree with me all the time, I am passionate in my pursuits and beliefs and I don't apologize for this. I've been given faith and God is stretching me daily. OUCH!! I've been given pain, disappointment and broken dreams. All opportunities to learn a lesson, become more tenderhearted, more grace-giving, more forgiving, and less judgmental. I've been given false friends to show me how much I appreciate the true gems. I've been given second chances so that I can give second chances. I could go on and on about all the blessings in my life, but these are the ones that came to mind first :)
"...much is required" - I have come to the conclusion (for myself) that this is where God wants me to grow. He requires me to be loving, giving, forgiving,full of grace, mercy-filled, bold, passionate, steadfast, committed, earnest, devoted, humble, encouraging and kind. We are the light of the world. We are the city on the hill. This is the "much" that is required of us. Not to be perfect, but to be purposeful. To be intentional. To do our best, to leave people better than they were before we came.
"and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more." - I am honored that God has entrusted all of these things to me! And I vow (to try at least!) to answer the call with a smile when He calls me and asks more of me.
I mean, is a smile or a kind word (even in the midst of my own storm) too much to ask? God doesn't think so and my goal is to give them freely and cheerfully, knowing that as I give what I have, I will be blessed with even more! As we prove ourselves with "little", we are granted authority of more.
Thank you Lord, for all you've entrusted to me. I'm ready to answer the call.
Luke 12:48b, "...From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more."
I think that I have always read this verse and heard the adage, "to whom much is given..." and just assumed it didn't apply to me. WOW! How small minded of me. As if God is any respecter of persons. As if someone's bank account determines their worth. As if social status actually matters.
"To whom much is given" - Well let's just see what I've been given. I've been given eyesight (not good, but correctable with contacts!) to see the beauty of this world and the faces of loved ones. I've been given hearing - to hear the laughter of my son, my husband tell me he loves me, and all the sounds of this world. I've been given two arms and two legs so that I may carry the load that God has given me and run the race set before me. I've been given health, that even though I've had some rough spots, God has brought me through them all and given me a deeper appreciation for those in pain and in need of healing. I've been given love - a deep, stubborn love for my husband that has already weathered so many storms in the few years we've been together and is growing stronger daily; a ferocious love for my son; a love for true friends that knows no words, and can only be measured by the heart, shared only by experience and mutual admiration; and a love for family, both the one that I have and the one I am creating. I've been given laughter and beautiful people to share it with. I've been given passion - while not everyone will agree with me all the time, I am passionate in my pursuits and beliefs and I don't apologize for this. I've been given faith and God is stretching me daily. OUCH!! I've been given pain, disappointment and broken dreams. All opportunities to learn a lesson, become more tenderhearted, more grace-giving, more forgiving, and less judgmental. I've been given false friends to show me how much I appreciate the true gems. I've been given second chances so that I can give second chances. I could go on and on about all the blessings in my life, but these are the ones that came to mind first :)
"...much is required" - I have come to the conclusion (for myself) that this is where God wants me to grow. He requires me to be loving, giving, forgiving,full of grace, mercy-filled, bold, passionate, steadfast, committed, earnest, devoted, humble, encouraging and kind. We are the light of the world. We are the city on the hill. This is the "much" that is required of us. Not to be perfect, but to be purposeful. To be intentional. To do our best, to leave people better than they were before we came.
"and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more." - I am honored that God has entrusted all of these things to me! And I vow (to try at least!) to answer the call with a smile when He calls me and asks more of me.
I mean, is a smile or a kind word (even in the midst of my own storm) too much to ask? God doesn't think so and my goal is to give them freely and cheerfully, knowing that as I give what I have, I will be blessed with even more! As we prove ourselves with "little", we are granted authority of more.
Thank you Lord, for all you've entrusted to me. I'm ready to answer the call.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Trust
Sometimes I bet God is looking at me thinking, "Deva, when will you get it? When will you see how much I love you and how MY ways are so much better than your ways?". I've been working through some things lately, and yesterday God chose to remind me that He has a plan and a purpose for my life and that I can make plans and preparations, but that He is in control. And that He uses EVERYTHING for good...so let me re-cap the past 24 hours:
I went to bed on Wednesday night feeling like poo. Seriously, like poo. Wasn't sure if I was going to work on Thursday. Woke up Thursday morning and still considered calling in sick. Then I got a text message from my assistant saying her daughter was sick and she wasn't coming in - so I sucked it up and got up to go to work. Fast forward through a long day of work - made even longer by a meeting after work until 7. Gideon's sitter sent me a message while at work to say her 3 kids are sick, so now I need to find a back up for Friday...did I mention the only other person that we have to watch him during the day just had surgery? Ok, so I guess I will take a sick day on Friday and stay home with him (pretty glad I didn't call in on Thursday now!). Business meeting scheduled for every Thursday night - the sitter had a last minute scheduling conflict, so looks like I will have to miss the meeting. [Note to self - increase sitter list :) ].
So I walk in the door, Babe hands me Gideon and kisses me and walks out. Hi Babe, bye Babe - we haven't seen each other all day...I get Gideon bathed and in his pjs and am settling in to read him a bedtime story when my phone rings. I don't answer it. Then I hear that I have a text message. Thinking it must be Babe, I get up to check. Missed call from Maria. Text from Maria. Text reads, "oh the baby". Now I should mention to you that my good friend Maria is uber pregnant. She had wanted a home birth, but that hadn't worked out for various reasons, but she and I had talked and talked about birthing options and interventions during her pregnancy. Now she wasn't due quite yet, so I was confused when I got this message. Maybe she is coming early?? So I immediately call Maria back. She answers the phone and calmly informs me that she has just given birth to her daughter. At.Home. In.the.bathtub. Unassisted!!! Girl, you rock!
Her husband is there and gets on the phone - we go over checking the placenta and cutting the cord. Baby is fine, Mama is fine. In fact, Baby is already nursing :) We talk for a few more minutes. Maria is going to take a shower and lie down.
I pack up Gideon (in his jammies), grab whats left of my birthing kit and head over to Maria's. I call my midwife and tell her what happened...we laugh about home birth and how birth just happens. Looks like Maria got the birth she wanted after all!
When I get to Maria's, the house is filled with the sounds of laughter and the smell of food cooking. A family friend had come and started some soup and was cleaning up the kitchen. Folding laundry. Caring for Maria's older daughters. This is what birth should be!
Maria and Baby are lying on her bed, nursing. All is well and peaceful. I give Maria my after-birthing supplies and she walks into the bathroom. Dad is beaming and about to POP out of his skin. He heads off to the store to buy some things that Maria and the baby will need. Maria rests and eats and nurses. Gideon and the girls play in the other room - shouldn't they all be sleeping! But I guess they can feel the oxytocin in the room, because they keep coming in and laughing and playing in the bedroom. Big sisters hold their newborn sister. Love is born and is growing stronger by the second. Everyone is clean and warm and fed. Time for everyone to go to bed...
When I got home after midnight, all I could think about was - how great is our God? And how wonderful He has made us. Of course He knew Maria was giving birth last night. And He knew she wasn't going to make to the hospital. And everything that had looked like it was going wrong in my life, was orchestrated so that I could be available to Maria to help her.
Life is fleeting. Life is fragile. We try so hard to control and plan and prepare. Last night God whispered to me, "I got this Deva. I am in control. I will give you more, exceedingly and abundantly more than you could EVER dream of if you'll just TRUST me."
I'm trusting God. In the easy and the hard. In places that I understand and the ones that I don't. He doesn't promise me that I will always understand, He just promises to provide.
20Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]-- 21To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen (so be it).
I went to bed on Wednesday night feeling like poo. Seriously, like poo. Wasn't sure if I was going to work on Thursday. Woke up Thursday morning and still considered calling in sick. Then I got a text message from my assistant saying her daughter was sick and she wasn't coming in - so I sucked it up and got up to go to work. Fast forward through a long day of work - made even longer by a meeting after work until 7. Gideon's sitter sent me a message while at work to say her 3 kids are sick, so now I need to find a back up for Friday...did I mention the only other person that we have to watch him during the day just had surgery? Ok, so I guess I will take a sick day on Friday and stay home with him (pretty glad I didn't call in on Thursday now!). Business meeting scheduled for every Thursday night - the sitter had a last minute scheduling conflict, so looks like I will have to miss the meeting. [Note to self - increase sitter list :) ].
So I walk in the door, Babe hands me Gideon and kisses me and walks out. Hi Babe, bye Babe - we haven't seen each other all day...I get Gideon bathed and in his pjs and am settling in to read him a bedtime story when my phone rings. I don't answer it. Then I hear that I have a text message. Thinking it must be Babe, I get up to check. Missed call from Maria. Text from Maria. Text reads, "oh the baby". Now I should mention to you that my good friend Maria is uber pregnant. She had wanted a home birth, but that hadn't worked out for various reasons, but she and I had talked and talked about birthing options and interventions during her pregnancy. Now she wasn't due quite yet, so I was confused when I got this message. Maybe she is coming early?? So I immediately call Maria back. She answers the phone and calmly informs me that she has just given birth to her daughter. At.Home. In.the.bathtub. Unassisted!!! Girl, you rock!
Her husband is there and gets on the phone - we go over checking the placenta and cutting the cord. Baby is fine, Mama is fine. In fact, Baby is already nursing :) We talk for a few more minutes. Maria is going to take a shower and lie down.
I pack up Gideon (in his jammies), grab whats left of my birthing kit and head over to Maria's. I call my midwife and tell her what happened...we laugh about home birth and how birth just happens. Looks like Maria got the birth she wanted after all!
When I get to Maria's, the house is filled with the sounds of laughter and the smell of food cooking. A family friend had come and started some soup and was cleaning up the kitchen. Folding laundry. Caring for Maria's older daughters. This is what birth should be!
Maria and Baby are lying on her bed, nursing. All is well and peaceful. I give Maria my after-birthing supplies and she walks into the bathroom. Dad is beaming and about to POP out of his skin. He heads off to the store to buy some things that Maria and the baby will need. Maria rests and eats and nurses. Gideon and the girls play in the other room - shouldn't they all be sleeping! But I guess they can feel the oxytocin in the room, because they keep coming in and laughing and playing in the bedroom. Big sisters hold their newborn sister. Love is born and is growing stronger by the second. Everyone is clean and warm and fed. Time for everyone to go to bed...
When I got home after midnight, all I could think about was - how great is our God? And how wonderful He has made us. Of course He knew Maria was giving birth last night. And He knew she wasn't going to make to the hospital. And everything that had looked like it was going wrong in my life, was orchestrated so that I could be available to Maria to help her.
Life is fleeting. Life is fragile. We try so hard to control and plan and prepare. Last night God whispered to me, "I got this Deva. I am in control. I will give you more, exceedingly and abundantly more than you could EVER dream of if you'll just TRUST me."
I'm trusting God. In the easy and the hard. In places that I understand and the ones that I don't. He doesn't promise me that I will always understand, He just promises to provide.
Ephesians 3:20-21
Amplified Bible (AMP)
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