Temporary is Too Long

My sweet baby boy is finally sleeping. I guess it's partly my fault, since we weren't home during his nap time this afternoon...of course now, he'll be up all night! Oh the joys :o) I don't mind - with the day of my return to work looming on the horizon (one week!!), I treasure every single second EVEN MORE. Somehow I have managed to block going back to work out of my mind all these past weeks, but now it sneaks into my mind, bringing on quick tears and a knife-like pain in my heart. Babe tries to be encouraging by saying, "it's only temporary" and "you'll get through this". I don't know how to tell him that he's missing the point...Of course it's only temporary - but even temporary is TOO long. And of course I'll get through this - short of hiding in my room and rocking, I have no choice but to "get through". But I don't want to!!! What if I miss something? He is rolling over all the time now and just discovered his feet! What if he does something cute and I don't see it? He's just started really laughing and it is the most beautiful sound on Earth. What if he's hurt/scared/sad/hungry/sleepy and I'm not there to comfort him? Will he wonder why I'm not there? Will his little heart hurt because Mama isn't there to make it all better? And yes, I know what you are thinking. He's going to be in excellent hands both with Babe and with his sitter. But they aren't ME. And here's another scary thought - what if he's just fine??? What if he doesn't miss me/need me? I rationally understand that most mamas feel fears similar to these when faced with going back to work and survive, but I'm not feeling so rational right this minute. Oh, I need another tissue....

So Much to Catch Up On

Oh my goodness! There seems to be so much to catch up on...Since my last post (which was a month ago), Gideon has had quite a few adventures!

What's up everybody??

So let's see, where do we start? I can't even believe that I am able to sit here and type this, because Babe isn't home yet and Gideon is peacefully sleeping in the other room! Which is a first for him - he prefers to sleep on me, and I love the sweet peacefulness of it, so I haven't really tried to get him to sleep alone yet. But today he fell asleep in my arms and I needed to take a shower, so I attempted to put him down and SUCCESS!!! Among his other recently acquired talents, he is now rolling over (from back to belly), reaching for things, babbling and laughing (he actually has begun shouting at one particular toy and this seems to really crack him up!) and sleeping through the night!

Syd and Gid

Remle and Delaney meet G!

Jennifer and Gideon

We took a little road trip and visited some friends and family. Gideon got to meet both of his great-grandmothers! He stayed with his first sitter (and his buddy Christian) while Babe and I were with our business team. And he even hung out with his friend Sydney on a playdate last week. Phew! And the awesome part is that he is a social butterfly and LOVES meeting new people. He is so laid back and chill - we are so blessed.

My sweet boy loves his Mammaw

Call me Purplicious!

Last week, I noticed that G and I had some thrush symptoms, so we treated that for a week and were totally purple! We were good for a few days, but now the thrush is back and we are retreating. Not cool yeast....

We had our first real snow of the season last week as well. Babe wanted to take G out in it (no literally, sit/lay him in the snow) but I vetoed that one. Sorry fellas! We got about 6-8 inches. So pretty. I love the snow and even though I haven't really been out of the house since Gideon was born, I do enjoy a snowfall.

Everyday Miracles

Ok, I know it has been a month since my last post and according to my friend Corri, if I'm going to be a blogger, I need to actually post a blog :o). It's just been such a crazy month...but I will try to play catch up on all our comings and goings tomorrow. I only have a few minutes before my sweet boy needs me and I really want to post this.

Being a mom has changed me in so many ways, I can't even begin to describe it! One significant change is the way I view relationships. More specifically, my relationship with God. I've come to realize that I have taken so much in my life for granted and I've been so busy that I have missed so many details. Like the sheer magnitude and beauty of nature. What a gift to us from our Father! We have just been hit by a snow storm and while I have always thought snow was beautiful, I saw it differently this time. I couldn't help but think about the uncountable number of snowflakes that fall in one storm. And each and every one of them is different and unique! I mean, can you even wrap your mind around that?? Billions upon billions of tiny flakes, and no two alike! What an awesome God!

This train of thought led me to begin thinking about miracles. There are so many miracles in our everyday lives and we just miss them. While pregnant, I was struck by the miracle of life and how we as humans are a miracle. And now watching Gideon accomplish new tasks - something as simple as reaching his hand for a toy or rolling over, I realize how miracluous life truly is. How many times a day do we complete seemingly meaningless tasks without thinking of how amazing it is that we can walk, talk, type or tie our shoes?

The reason most people (myself included) miss so many miracles is because we don't know what to look for. I admit, when I think miracle, I think walking on water, raising the dead or parting the sea. But what about everyday miracles? What about the ability to smile, to laugh, to encourage? Everyday it's a miracle that we wake up, that gravity keeps us from just floating away, that all of our organs work together in harmony to keep us breathing. I could go on and on...

But what about the "big" miracles? Why don't we see them outside of the Old Testament? This reminded me of a verse (and I'll paraphrase) that we have not because we ask not. Our world is framed by our beliefs and expectations. So if I'm not seeing "big" miracles, maybe it's because I'm not believing big enough. If my God can create an infinite number of unique snowflakes, why can't He perform miracles in my life? BECAUSE HE CAN!! Maybe He's just waiting for me to believe big! So Babe and I have decided to just become outrageous. We are not going to not ask anymore!! We are believing our Father will give us the desires of our heart and that He will supply all our needs and that we will live in abundance. What father wouldn't want that for their child?

So, this is just something that I have been thinking about lately. Maybe it's just me, but I think we all need to take the time to appreciate our everyday miracles and then expect and ask for "big" ones too!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

I love Christmas, but this year (obviously) was so special! Ironically it was also the most low-key and relaxed Christmas that we've had in...well, ever I think. I was in no condition to travel still, so the Millward Trio stayed in Winchester. It looked like we were going to have a White Christmas, but all of the snow stayed to the south and east of us. Not that it really mattered that much to me, as I haven't been out of the house but about 6 times since Gideon was born. Mama and Trent spent a long weekend with us, which was awesome! Good cooking and good conversation. Trent brought the Wii, so he and Babe were totally preoccupied with that, leaving Mama and me to chat and coo over Gideon.

Gideon continues to grow like a weed - I haven't weighed him since his 3 week check up, but I know he is quite the little butterball! He is smiling all the time now and tries very hard to laugh, but hasn't exactly gotten the hang of that yet. He did learn how to cough one morning while he was eating and now thinks that is the funniest trick ever and will make himself cough and then smile and coo. What a ham! He is super talkative and loves to have conversation with anyone that will make eye contact with him. He is sleeping for longer periods of time at night, anywhere from 4.5-5.5 hours!! In fact, he gave me a wonderful Christmas gift of 7 hours of straight sleep Christmas Eve night!!!! Of course, that hasn't happened since, but oh well!

I've had many visitors lately, and Gideon has tons of playmates that have come around to meet him. It's crazy how many of my friends have babies all so close in age with Gideon! And most of them boys too.

I am seeing a physical therapist and chiropractor to help with my recovery. Everyone seems pleased with how well I am healing, although I am impatient! Nevertheless, it has only been 6 weeks since Gideon was born and considering everything that I went through, I have to admit I am progressing well. It's the smallest of victories that I am proud of, although I will be so happy when I carry get around by myself and carry Gideon without help! Not that he seems to mind ;o) Babe has been a huge help - cooking, grocery shopping, bathing Gideon, etc, etc...What a great guy <3

Catching Up



Quality Time with Daddy



Hangin' with Nana

Wow! Time flies....It has been almost three weeks since I was able to post last and so much as has happened. Babe is back to work and Gideon and I miss him so much. Gideon seems to know when Daddy is coming home and wakes up to play. It is so precious - he gets so excited, waving his hands and talking and kicking! He definitely plays with Daddy differently than Mama! I'm still recuperating from the delivery and haven't been out of the house except to go see my midwives. Gideon is now 24 inches and weighs over 11 pounds! What a little milk monster!! My mom has been here with us this past week - LOVE it!!! What precious time to spend with her and Gideon. And G loves his Nana ;o)



It's so hard to believe that it's almost Christmas. I am so out of it this year! We had the first "snow" of the season 2 days ago. It was only a dusting, but was enough to put me in the holiday spirit! I finally got Babe to get the decorations out of the garage yesterday and I put a few things up in the house. Absurd how quickly that wore me out! We were hoping to get our tree today, but it was raining, so it will have to wait I guess. Seems weird that the last time I was really out in "the swing of things" it wasn't even Thanksgiving and now Christmas is less than two weeks away! Luckily, I will be doing all my shopping online through our business, since I haven't/can't get out!

Gideon has learned how to smile and does so all the time now! He is such a happy baby. He is also holding his head up and will push himself up and look around when I put him on his tummy. Amazing how quickly he is growing and changing. Our kitties are slowly adjusting to having a baby in the house - we've only had two "angry" moments. Gideon seemed to notice them for the first time the other day. He was waving his hands and touched Gracie's tail. He wasn't really sure if he liked that texture! He does seem to be a physical touch baby (from the 5 Love Languages book). He is constantly stroking things and that seems to calm him down too. He loves to pat me while he is eating - precious!!

All dressed to see Tierney!











A World of Firsts

My little warrior has had many firsts in the past two weeks. Not to mention all the firsts for Babe and me!! Gideon was 9lbs, 4oz when he was born, 9lbs the following day and 10lbs at his one week check up!


Tierney and Gideon

Our first week included visits from Nana, Paw-Paw, Aunt Bethany, Grandma Mary and Aunt Erin, and Grandpa Hank and Grandma Betty. Phew!! Lots of visitors...especially since Gideon and I were on strict bed rest!

Nana!!!

My mom stayed with us for most of the first week. Thank goodness!! I was pretty weak and we needed all the help we could get :o)

Paw-Paw

My dad came up the morning after Gideon was born and stayed for the day. He was so excited to meet his grandson!

Aunt Bethany

Aunt Bethany came to visit Wednesday while my mom ran home to take care of some things. She couldn't get enough of my baby!!



Grandma Mary

  Mary and Erin had been planning a visit for months and couldn't wait to hold him!

Aunt Erin has the touch!

Grandpa Hank and Grandma Betty came up for a quick visit and couldn't get enough of Gideon! There were so many camera flashes, I thought the paparazzi was in my bedroom!  

By Sunday, all our visitors had gone home and the Millward Trio was alone for the first time. It was really nice to be home for a few days as a new family. Babe and I seriously just sit and stare at Gideon...he's so perfect!

We gave Gideon his first bath - not a huge success...he spit up, peed on me and then pooped his diaper as soon as he got out. He was cleaner before his bath than after! LOL...Tierney gave us suggestions for the next one (which was a HUGE success).

My precious baby boy - one week old!!



Our Miracle!!

Well, it's been two weeks since Gideon was born, but I swear it mostly feels like a minute! At the same time, I look at his sweet face and can't imagine my life before him.

So here is how it went down...

Sunday, November 14th - I woke up and knew that I was going to have a baby that day. I told Craig and he laughed since we'd been confessing that for weeks now. However, we went to church and I began having very mild pre-labor contractions (nothing new there - had been experiencing those regularly for over a month!). At the conclusion of service, we always get some Panera bagels and bread to take home and this morning I spied a yummy danish ring and I told Babe to grab it "because I am having this baby today and I need something to feed the midwives!". He thought I was joking, but I meant it!!!

Next, we went to run some errands and I noticed that the contractions were getting closer together, so I decided to start timing them. As we walked around Target and Best Buy, they were coming about every 4.5 minutes and lasting about a minute. This lasted about an hour, so we decided to call Tierney. She suggested that we go home and eat lunch and just keep an eye on them. As we pulled out of the Best Buy parking lot, I accidently dropped Babe's Droid in a cup of water!!! (It was sitting on my lap and it fell in as we turned). Needless to say, Babe was stressed! He sped home, ran inside and began "surgery" on his phone - leaving me feeling terrible and oh yeah - the contractions stopped! So now I am sitting on the couch crying #1 because I was sure that I was going into labor and then the contractions suddenly stopped and #2 because I was sure I had ruined Babe's super expensive phone....Long story short, phone is fine and contractions started up as my stress level went down.

Around 4pm, we decided to go for a walk and get this party started. We walked about 2 miles and by now the contractions were consistently every 4 minutes, lasting a minute. We called Tierney again and she decided to come over and check me. At about 6pm, I was only 2 cm dilated and 40-50% effaced! I was distraught! She went home and told us to just keep an eye on things and call her if anything changed. So we had supper and started to get ready for bed. I had decided to begin my maternity leave on Monday, so I called work and set all that up. I eventually fell asleep on the couch, frustrated that I hadn't gone into labor and that I was STILL pregnant.

Around 11pm, a contraction woke me up. I lay on the couch and had a few more and knew that this was IT!! I was in labor - Thank the Lord! I got up, washed my face, told Craig how I was feeling and called my mom around midnight. At a little after 1 in the morning, we called Tierney again and told her it was time. She got there about 2 and checked me - I hadn't made ANY progress since that afternoon!! I was still 2 cm and 50% effaced....so she and Lori (my other midwife) went home and told us to call when things "really got rolling". They instructed us to get as much rest as possible - to which Babe really took to heart! So, Babe and I get in bed, he falls right to sleep and I labor for the next few hours...at 4am, everything kicked into high gear and I knew there was no going back - Gideon was coming!! Mama got there around 5 and she began timing the contractions - every 3-4 minutes, lasting about 1 to 1.5 minutes. Some time around 8, she suggested to Babe that he call Tierney back because she felt like I was in transition. Tierney was here in minutes. She checked me and announced that I was complete and just then my water broke! Everyone jumped into action at this point - Gideon was coming! And FAST!

I was ready to start pushing around 11. We fully expected Gideon to be born by noon. But by 1, I hadn't made much progress and my cervix was beginning to swell, so into the tub I go. No pushing for an hour they told me! Holy moly - that was intense....for the next 4 hours I pushed and pushed and pushed. We tried every position imaginable but Gideon just wasn't coming. Tierney determined that his head was in a posterior position and that he was stuck in my pelvis. We tried everything to get his little (well not so little as it turned out!) head to turn so that he could descend. Nothing was working. I was totally spent, and so was everyone else! At 6pm, Tierney calmly announced that there was nothing else that she could do and that if Gideon wasn't born in the next 30 minutes, we would have to go to the hospital for a c-section.

When she told me this, I knew that would never happen. I looked her in the eye and calmly said "No. No. No. No." What happened next can only be described as a miracle...I had this unreal sense of peace fill me and I closed my eyes and began to pray. Now, all I remember is praying silently in my head, but according to Mama, Babe and the midwives, I began praying aloud as well. Mama said it was like I was having a conversation with Jesus and that it was like He was in the room and I could see Him. Suddenly, my contractions became extremely forceful and this wave of renewed strength came over me. I began pushing like I hadn't pushed all day. In my mind, I saw Gideon's head and beyond it I saw a circle of light and I knew that I just had to push him toward it. And that is exactly what I began to do. As I was seeing all of this in my mind's eye, Mama, Babe, and the midwives were witnessing my miracle. With no assistance, Gideon's head began to turn - he dropped into the correct position and began to descend (all the while I am still praying aloud, totally unbeknowst to me!). Within minutes, I was crowning and then precious Gideon Andrew was in my arms!!!! What I (and my midwives) had not been able to do in 6 hours, God did in about 15 minutes!!! Praise the Lord.

Gideon Andrew Millward, born 11/15/10 at 6:24pm
9lbs, 4 oz  22.5 in. long


As I sit here, 2 weeks later, most of Gideon's labor and delivery are already a blur. I don't remember the pain. In fact, I didn't recall the pain of the contractions by the next day. While 6 hours of pushing is extreme and my body hasn't quite recovered yet, I don't remember the trauma of it. I only remember the second I saw my son's sweet face and the peace of Jesus that remains with me now. God delivered both of us that day and truly my life will never be the same.


God truly was with us!