A Letter to Mama

So I didn't get you any flowers. Or chocolate. Or jewelry. Or anything actually. I bought you a card a week ago and it is still in my purse waiting for me to write in it, buy stamps and mail it. Hopefully you will get it by the end of May...But what I do have for you is this:

Dear Mama,
After 33 years together, you know me better than sometimes I even know myself. When I overextend myself and am running ragged, you know by the sigh in my voice and gently remind me to go to sleep a little early tonight. When I have been beat up by the world and am beginning to doubt myself, you gently remind me of all the things I do right and where my strengths lie. When I am ready to go into battle, you are right there next to me - whether it is in spirit, prayer and actually fighting on my behalf! How do you say thank you for that type of devotion?

You are my original home - your body and your love cradled me for 10+ months. You carried me within your womb for over 42 weeks. You went through days of prodromal labor with me, only for me to finally roar out of you. You fed me with your own body, while caring for a toddler and husband and house. You kissed my boo-boos, hugged me tight, never complained in the middle of the night when I woke up just because. You held me when I was sick and sang to me.

You taught me to love others as I loved myself. You taught me to turn the other cheek and to pick my battles. You prayed for me, and with me, and spoke blessings upon me.

At every stage of my life, you put my needs before your own. You have been mother, chef, chauffeur, maid, friend, counselor, teacher, doctor, nurse, guide, coach, and so much more. Every decision that you made from the time I was conceived has been filtered through what was best for me (not you!).

It must have been heart wrenchingly painful when each of those stages came to an end and you had to let me go a little bit. And then a little bit more. But you allowed me space to find myself and be myself and let me go.

I believe that being a mother is the most difficult thing anyone can ever do. But I am not sure that joy is truly felt until the moment that a mother is born. Every moment is sweeter, every blessing is doubled, every opportunity is magical.

So, today and every day, I celebrate you, Mama. You have shaped me and helped mold me into the woman and mother that I am. When I look into the eyes of my sweet baby boy, I feel closer to you than I ever have before. I know the secret...it's love. It knows no beginning or end. It is a gift. Thank you for this gift. I hope that when you look into my eyes, you see it too.

Love, Deva

To Whom Much Is Given

Ever had a thought just run through your head over and over and over?? Well I have. I usually I find that it is the Lord trying to get my attention and He usually has to be a little persistent for me to sit up and fully understand what He is saying.

Luke 12:48b, "...From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more."

I think that I have always read this verse and heard the adage, "to whom much is given..." and just assumed it didn't apply to me. WOW! How small minded of me. As if God is any respecter of persons. As if someone's bank account determines their worth. As if social status actually matters.

"To whom much is given" - Well let's just see what I've been given. I've been given eyesight (not good, but correctable with contacts!) to see the beauty of this world and the faces of loved ones. I've been given hearing - to hear the laughter of my son, my husband tell me he loves me, and all the sounds of this world. I've been given two arms and two legs so that I may carry the load that God has given me and run the race set before me. I've been given health, that even though I've had some rough spots, God has brought me through them all and given me a deeper appreciation for those in pain and in need of healing. I've been given love - a deep, stubborn love for my husband that has already weathered so many storms in the few years we've been together and is growing stronger daily; a ferocious love for my son; a love for true friends that knows no words, and can only be measured by the heart, shared only by experience and mutual admiration; and a love for family, both the one that I have and the one I am creating. I've been given laughter and beautiful people to share it with. I've been given passion - while not everyone will agree with me all the time, I am passionate in my pursuits and beliefs and I don't apologize for this. I've been given faith and God is stretching me daily. OUCH!! I've been given pain, disappointment and broken dreams. All opportunities to learn a lesson, become more tenderhearted, more grace-giving, more forgiving, and less judgmental. I've been given false friends to show me how much I appreciate the true gems. I've been given second chances so that I can give second chances. I could go on and on about all the blessings in my life, but these are the ones that came to mind first :)

"...much is required" - I have come to the conclusion (for myself) that this is where God wants me to grow. He requires me to be loving, giving, forgiving,full of grace, mercy-filled, bold, passionate, steadfast, committed, earnest, devoted, humble, encouraging and kind. We are the light of the world. We are the city on the hill. This is the "much" that is required of us. Not to be perfect, but to be purposeful. To be intentional. To do our best, to leave people better than they were before we came.

"and to whom they entrusted much, of him they will ask all the more." - I am honored that God has entrusted all of these things to me! And I vow (to try at least!) to answer the call with a smile when He calls me and asks more of me.

I mean, is a smile or a kind word (even in the midst of my own storm) too much to ask? God doesn't think so and my goal is to give them freely and cheerfully, knowing that as I give what I have, I will be blessed with even more! As we prove ourselves with "little", we are granted authority of more.

Thank you Lord, for all you've entrusted to me. I'm ready to answer the call.

Trust

Sometimes I bet God is looking at me thinking, "Deva, when will you get it? When will you see how much I love you and how MY ways are so much better than your ways?". I've been working through some things lately, and yesterday God chose to remind me that He has a plan and a purpose for my life and that I can make plans and preparations, but that He is in control. And that He uses EVERYTHING for good...so let me re-cap the past 24 hours:

I went to bed on Wednesday night feeling like poo. Seriously, like poo. Wasn't sure if I was going to work on Thursday. Woke up Thursday morning and still considered calling in sick. Then I got a text message from my assistant saying her daughter was sick and she wasn't coming in - so I sucked it up and got up to go to work. Fast forward through a long day of work - made even longer by a meeting after work until 7. Gideon's sitter sent me a message while at work to say her 3 kids are sick, so now I need to find a back up for Friday...did I mention the only other person that we have to watch him during the day just had surgery? Ok, so I guess I will take a sick day on Friday and stay home with him (pretty glad I didn't call in on Thursday now!). Business meeting scheduled for every Thursday night - the sitter had a last minute scheduling conflict, so looks like I will have to miss the meeting. [Note to self - increase sitter list :) ].

So I walk in the door, Babe hands me Gideon and kisses me and walks out. Hi Babe, bye Babe - we haven't seen each other all day...I get Gideon bathed and in his pjs and am settling in to read him a bedtime story when my phone rings. I don't answer it. Then I hear that I have a text message. Thinking it must be Babe, I get up to check. Missed call from Maria. Text from Maria. Text reads, "oh the baby". Now I should mention to you that my good friend Maria is uber pregnant. She had wanted a home birth, but that hadn't worked out for various reasons, but she and I had talked and talked about birthing options and interventions during her pregnancy. Now she wasn't due quite yet, so I was confused when I got this message. Maybe she is coming early?? So I immediately call Maria back. She answers the phone and calmly informs me that she has just given birth to her daughter. At.Home. In.the.bathtub. Unassisted!!! Girl, you rock!

Her husband is there and gets on the phone - we go over checking the placenta and cutting the cord. Baby is fine, Mama is fine. In fact, Baby is already nursing :)  We talk for a few more minutes. Maria is going to take a shower and lie down.

I pack up Gideon (in his jammies), grab whats left of my birthing kit and head over to Maria's. I call my midwife and tell her what happened...we laugh about home birth and how birth just happens. Looks like Maria got the birth she wanted after all!

When I get to Maria's, the house is filled with the sounds of laughter and the smell of food cooking. A family friend had come and started some soup  and was cleaning up the kitchen. Folding laundry. Caring for Maria's older daughters. This is what birth should be!

Maria and Baby are lying on her bed, nursing. All is well and peaceful. I give Maria my after-birthing supplies and she walks into the bathroom. Dad is beaming and about to POP out of his skin. He heads off to the store to buy some things that Maria and the baby will need. Maria rests and eats and nurses. Gideon and the girls play in the other room - shouldn't they all be sleeping! But I guess they can feel the oxytocin in the room, because they keep coming in and laughing and playing in the bedroom. Big sisters hold their newborn sister. Love is born and is growing stronger by the second. Everyone is clean and warm and fed. Time for everyone to go to bed...

When I got home after midnight, all I could think about was - how great is our God? And how wonderful He has made us. Of course He knew Maria was giving birth last night. And He knew she wasn't going to make to the hospital. And everything that had looked like it was going wrong in my life, was orchestrated so that I could be available to Maria to help her.

Life is fleeting. Life is fragile. We try so hard to control and plan and prepare. Last night God whispered to me, "I got this Deva. I am in control. I will give you more, exceedingly and abundantly more than you could EVER dream of if you'll just TRUST me."

I'm trusting God. In the easy and the hard. In places that I understand and the ones that I don't. He doesn't promise me that I will always understand, He just promises to provide.

Ephesians 3:20-21

Amplified Bible (AMP)

²⁰Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]--    ²¹To Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever. Amen (so be it).

Everything I Need to Know in Life, I Learned My First Year as a Mama

As 2011 draws to a close, I thought it fitting to reflect on this past year - the ups and downs and what I have learned. This year has certainly been an eventful one. And while not everyone would consider my life "exciting", I can assure you, it is far from dull! Anyone that knows me, knows that I am passionate and can be outspoken. I hope that this year I have learned to give more grace, to be intentional, and to love unconditionally. Here is what my precious son and being his mama has taught me:

1. Sleep solves almost every "crisis". Even if it doesn't solve it, it helps you deal with the situation better.

2. Priorities change, and that is actually healthy. Filter all your decisions through your priorities to have a happy life.

3. The people in your life may change, or at least their significance in your life at any given moment. Family is made up of people that you love and that love you, regardless of how long you've known them or actual relation.

4. Somethings CAN wait (laundry, dishes, facebook, showering, peeing, etc), while others can't (throw up, a crying baby, a blow out poop, watching your baby sleep, playing peek-a-boo, telling someone that you love them).

5. All of us are doing the best that we can with what we have. We all want to be better (I hope!).

6. Joy is not found in things, but in moments, smiles, hugs and memories.

7. Defeat is not in failing, but in giving up or never trying in the first place. Falling down is inevitable, but getting back up again is a choice.

8. There is no "normal"! Don't judge yourself by other people or their standards. Determine what you believe in and then remain committed to that.

9. Find what you are good at and sell out to that.

10. You can never say "I love you" too much. You can never tell someone enough how important they are. But never stop trying...

11. Everything is temporary. Good and bad, it all changes. Just when you think you've got it all figured out, here comes another curve ball!

12. Be flexible. Be spontaneous.

13. You are stronger and more capable than you realize. Stretch yourself to see what your limits truly are. Never sell yourself short.

14. LAUGH. And then laugh more. Happiness is remembered like a glow that surrounds you.

15. Set limits. And then stick to them. Even when it hurts.

16. Be intentional. Have a purpose in all that you do.

17. Give grace. Every person you meet is fighting a battle. We are all doing the best that we can and until you've walked a year in some one's sleep-deprived, post-partum, separation-anxiety, guilt-riddled (at times) shoes, you have no right to judge them. Maybe you would do things differently - you'll have your chance.

18. Acceptance and sensitivity will get you much farther in life than beating someone over the head with your opinions. Unsolicited advice is criticism.

19. Having a schedule (that is flexible) is vital. Try to stay on track, but let it go if things need to change.

20. Always keep a snack, some tissues and a toy in your purse. You never know when any of this will come in handy (and not just for your baby!). Basically, be prepared. ALL.THE.TIME. For anything!

21. When you're stressed, it rubs off on others. Take time to take care of you so that you have more to give.

22. Never let someone make you feel inferior or embarrassed of your decisions. If you believe in what you are doing - say so! Just because "everyone" does things one way, doesn't make it right or best. It is impossible to please everyone all the time, so stop trying and do what you know in your heart is right for you.

23. Sharing can be hard. But you have to.

24. Be fearless. Be bold. Try something new. You never know what you will like or what works if you don't try.

25. God is in EVERYTHING. Especially the little things. If you don't see that, I can't relate to you.

26. God uses the least of us to teach us the biggest lessons. No one and nothing is too small to matter.

27. Let go. Trust yourself. Trust God, He'll be up all night anyway.

28. Always act, never react. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and count to 5 before responding in anger. Chances are, you will regret it later and then it's too late. Words wound deeper than weapons. They also heal and uplift. Use them wisely.

29. You will miss this one day. So stop wishing it away - good or bad. Enjoy ALL the moments of your life. Even the trials. They form you into the person you are destined to be.

30. Love is an action word. It is doing, saying, feeling, showing, staying, hugging, working, growing, trying, overcoming. It is constant - in good times and bad. It is present. It is consuming. It is beautiful. It is important.

I once heard a quote about being a mother that said being a mother was like having your heart walk around outside of your body. I thought I understood that before Gideon was born. Now, I fully comprehend it. With every great blessing comes great responsibility. I thank God everyday for the blessing He has given me and pray for guidance to fulfill my responsibility.

Happy New Year! May 2012 be blessed!

6 Months

Little G-unit is 6 months old today! WOW...how did THAT happen? He is growing like crazy - he has doubled his birth weight and is weighing in around 18 pounds and seems to be hitting another growth spurt in the past few days.

Last month he started sitting up really well by himself, scooting, and feeding himself. Two days ago he figured out how to pull himself up to stand and he just thinks he is so funny! He has progressed from what I like to call the "army crawl" (think wounded soldier), to the "inchworm". Any second now I fully expect to see him just take off and zoom around the house! We have chosen to follow Baby Led Weaning (BLW) with Gideon and he is taking off with it! The premise of this method is that you introduce "solid" solids to a baby instead of beginning with purees and progressing to foods with more texture. And, babies must feed themselves, not be spoon-fed.  Basically, G eats whatever I am eating. This is such a fun endeavor! So far his favorite foods are steak (cooked medium), BACON!!, pickles, and sweet potatoes. He has also tried and enjoyed granny smith apple, cheese, tomato, shrimp, black beans, broccoli, watermelon and poached egg.

(I will add pics soon!!)

Gideon finally cut his first tooth! It came quietly and without a fuss. And now his other bottom tooth feels like it will be popping in any day now. What a big boy!

There is so much more that we have been up to, but I will have to work backwards to post all of it - be looking for a Mother's Day recap, funny videos and my mother of the year moment!!!

Seriously, it's almost MAY!?!?

Wow! Where does the time go? It just seems to slip by like water through my fingers...

Gideon is a little over 5 months now and increasingly mobile! While this is exciting, it is also a little scary. Time to baby-proof the house, move everything out of reach and try to vacuum the floor a little more often. G-man is sitting up totally unassited now, reaches for things with both hands and can switch his toys from hand to hand, is very interested in food (more on that in another post!), and has begun "inchworming" around the floor. He gets up on his hands and knees and rocks, but hasn't quite figured out how to manuever that way, so he drags his body around by his arms, while schooching (is that a word??) his little bottom up in the air and then pushing off the floor with his toes.



Uncle Jason



We have had some visitors in the Millward household in the last month or so. If I'd had the time to post more recently after said visits, I would probably have lots of witty stories to tell, but as it is I will just post a pic or two. My brother and his family flew in from CA and stayed with us for about a week and my mom and sister and her husband camped out in our living room while they were here. Gideon didn't know what to do with all the attention!



Cousins



Before that, Babe's mom and sister came down to visit again and of course, Aunt Erin came bearing gifts :o). We had a great time with them as well, and will probably be planning a trip to OH for some point in the summer.

This past weekend was Easter and Gideon was all decked out in plaid shorts, a white polo and a yellow sweater vest. And of course I didn't get a picture of his cuteness...oh well, luckily for us he is cute all the time so I will just post a random picture of him! Thanks to a recent shopping trip and the generosity of a few friends, G is all decked out and set for summer! He has his sunglasses, a swimsuit and lots of uber-cute clothes. Who said only little girl clothes were cute? (ps, I think I might've said that at one point, but honestly, the boys clothes have really come a long way!).

Gideon's new obsession is his ERGO and he wants to be in it most of the time. In fact, he is asleep in it as I type this (how else did you think I had time and two free hands to post??). Not sure if it's the changing weather, teething or just his age, but he has been miserable if I am not holding him or he can't see me...as much as I love being loved, it is difficult to get anything done when he demands my undivided attention. I intend to enjoy it though, as I am sure there will be a time in the not to distant future when I will miss him enjoying my company so much!

I did what?!?

Is it seriously April 2nd??? Where does the time go...

Well, before I jump into catching up on life in the Millward household, here's a funny story from last night that basically sums up my life these days:

Babe had the day off, so it was a Daddy and Gideon day. While Gideon was fully dressed and matching today (quite a feat for Babe!), he had managed to get spit up and poop on his onesie and Babe left him in it all day because he'd "wiped most of it off". *eye roll* (mine not Babe's). So as soon as I got my hands on G, I changed him, nursed and off to town the 3 of us go. We ran some errands together and before you know it, it's almost 8 and we are all starving and I'm too tired to fix supper, so Rancho for some quesadillas it is! Because I am so famished, and I know G will want to eat as soon as I get food, I decide to nurse him before we go into the restaurant. Only he's more interested in EVERYTHING else going on around him. Oh well, into Rancho we go - hopefully I will get to eat while my food is still remotely warm :o)

Praise be to the Lord, G is content to sit in his seat and play with a toy while I scarf down my food. With one bite to go, he is done sitting and is ready to be held...so into my arms he comes and instant happiness! He plays happily at the table while Babe finishes his meal and then we head home. G falls asleep in the car, so I jump in the tub to take a bath when we get home because sore doesn't even begin to describe how I feel at the end of the day. When he wakes up, he and Babe dance around the house, waiting for Gideon's turn in the tub. Meanwhile, I had fallen asleep in the tub! Holy moly, I need a nap!

Out I come and in goes Gideon. Then we nurse and he falls asleep (me too - almost). I go to put him down and he wakes up! He is teething and is a little congested so getting him to sleep these past few days has been more challenging. So tired I can't even function, I take G to Babe and announce that I am going to bed. Now the next thing I remember is waking up this morning (I mean I vaguely remember waking several times during the night to nurse too) to Babe's alarm - which never seems to wake him oddly enough! Babe falls back asleep but G rouses and we nurse again (picking up on a pattern?? LOL). The next thing I know it's 8:30. Thank you Gideon for letting me sleep in! So we get up and begin our day...I call Babe to say hey and I ask him "what time did you and Gideon come to bad last night?" To which he replies "I didn't bring Gideon to bed. Don't you remember getting up and taking him from me? He was fussy and it woke you up. You took him from me and starting nursing him, STANDING up in the living room!!" Wow, nope I don't recall that at all...hahahahaha

And to wrap it all up, the only reason I have a few minutes to play catch up is because I just nursed him to sleep! I would not change a thing though :o) I love my little milk man <3

What a Week!

What an eventful week! My baby is 3 months old - so hard to believe...seriously where does the time go? I can't believe that he's already 3 months old. But at the same time, I can't even remember life before him. Time is funny that way - how does it manage to feel so quick and yet so eternal all at the same time?

3 months old!!

I am so thrilled to announce that we finally beat that awful thrush we have been battling for a month! YAY!!! No more purplicious ;o) After it got into my milk ducts, we had no choice but to get an oral anti-fungal and treat ourselves for two weeks. PTL, between that and the prescription cream they gave me, we are finally symptom free and happily (and pain-freely) nursing again. Because of all of this, we did have to find a new doctor.  I had seen a GP at a family practice here in town and we didn't really see eye-to-eye, but since I don't get sick very often I hadn't ever gotten around to finding a new one. But after making an appt to see her about the thrush and her misdiagnosing me AND arguing with me and telling me that I didn't know what I was talking about (which I did), I went in search of a new GP. Oh, and I am writing her a letter citing her ignorance and sending it to her with documentation of my actual diagnosis.

So, Monday, G and I packed up and and went to the new family practice and had our first "well" visit. I say that because apparently you have to go to the doctor and pay them a copay to get established so that when you get sick you can go and pay them again! Anyway...Mama is in excellent health - I've lost 17 pounds (in addition to losing all the baby weight)!!! YAY for breastfeeding!!!! Looks like a shopping trip is in my near future as all of my pants are swimming on me now :o). Gideon is super healthy too - not that I am the least bit surprised! He is a little over 26 in and weighs about 15 lbs. The doctor and nurses were so impressed with his "amazing motor skills" and "advanced head control". Must be Mama's vitamins!



26 inches of perfection!!!



I went back to work this week, which was seriously THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE!!! Honestly, I don't know how people do it. I'm so glad that Babe and I have an amazing business opportunity that will afford me the ability to stay home soon. That is seriously the only thing that gets me through the work day - knowing it is only temporary. I have to say, I couldn't have made it through my last day home and my first day back without the wonderful advice and encouragment of my dear friends and family. It is such a blessing to receive wise counsel...Looking forward to that day that Babe brings me home and L is holding our sweet boys with their Free Mama t-shirts!! That dream is so real and tangible to me... and I just am so driven to make that a reality for not just me, but other mamas that want it too.

QT with Daddy in my Ergo

In the meantime, G is so blessed to be able to stay home with Daddy part time and stay with Miss Karen part time. We couldn't ask for a better, more loving sitter!!! God is so faithful and He really watches over us so well. When I came home Thursday, Babe had cleaned the entire house and started dinner (major points for my thoughtful Babe!!). He passed out on the floor not long after I got home - he seems to have a whole new appreciation for SAHMs now! And Friday, G went to Miss Karen's and had a blast! Not to brag about my amazing son, but she said he was "delightful", "never fussy, so happy", "so aware and curious" and all around "a great baby to keep"!! That sure makes a mama proud :o)

Looks like G wore Daddy out!!!

One thing that going back to work has forced me to become is much more disciplined. I have made a weekly meal plan and a chore chart. It is keeping Babe and me on task with all the little things so that they don't pile up on us! It's so far from my personality type, but so far it is really working out for the three of us and it gives me the optimal amount of time with my boys <3

~Delight yourself in the LORD, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Trust also in Him, and He will bring it to pass.~ Ps 37:4-5

Temporary is Too Long

My sweet baby boy is finally sleeping. I guess it's partly my fault, since we weren't home during his nap time this afternoon...of course now, he'll be up all night! Oh the joys :o) I don't mind - with the day of my return to work looming on the horizon (one week!!), I treasure every single second EVEN MORE. Somehow I have managed to block going back to work out of my mind all these past weeks, but now it sneaks into my mind, bringing on quick tears and a knife-like pain in my heart. Babe tries to be encouraging by saying, "it's only temporary" and "you'll get through this". I don't know how to tell him that he's missing the point...Of course it's only temporary - but even temporary is TOO long. And of course I'll get through this - short of hiding in my room and rocking, I have no choice but to "get through". But I don't want to!!! What if I miss something? He is rolling over all the time now and just discovered his feet! What if he does something cute and I don't see it? He's just started really laughing and it is the most beautiful sound on Earth. What if he's hurt/scared/sad/hungry/sleepy and I'm not there to comfort him? Will he wonder why I'm not there? Will his little heart hurt because Mama isn't there to make it all better? And yes, I know what you are thinking. He's going to be in excellent hands both with Babe and with his sitter. But they aren't ME. And here's another scary thought - what if he's just fine??? What if he doesn't miss me/need me? I rationally understand that most mamas feel fears similar to these when faced with going back to work and survive, but I'm not feeling so rational right this minute. Oh, I need another tissue....

So Much to Catch Up On

Oh my goodness! There seems to be so much to catch up on...Since my last post (which was a month ago), Gideon has had quite a few adventures!

What's up everybody??

So let's see, where do we start? I can't even believe that I am able to sit here and type this, because Babe isn't home yet and Gideon is peacefully sleeping in the other room! Which is a first for him - he prefers to sleep on me, and I love the sweet peacefulness of it, so I haven't really tried to get him to sleep alone yet. But today he fell asleep in my arms and I needed to take a shower, so I attempted to put him down and SUCCESS!!! Among his other recently acquired talents, he is now rolling over (from back to belly), reaching for things, babbling and laughing (he actually has begun shouting at one particular toy and this seems to really crack him up!) and sleeping through the night!

Syd and Gid

Remle and Delaney meet G!

Jennifer and Gideon

We took a little road trip and visited some friends and family. Gideon got to meet both of his great-grandmothers! He stayed with his first sitter (and his buddy Christian) while Babe and I were with our business team. And he even hung out with his friend Sydney on a playdate last week. Phew! And the awesome part is that he is a social butterfly and LOVES meeting new people. He is so laid back and chill - we are so blessed.

My sweet boy loves his Mammaw

Call me Purplicious!

Last week, I noticed that G and I had some thrush symptoms, so we treated that for a week and were totally purple! We were good for a few days, but now the thrush is back and we are retreating. Not cool yeast....

We had our first real snow of the season last week as well. Babe wanted to take G out in it (no literally, sit/lay him in the snow) but I vetoed that one. Sorry fellas! We got about 6-8 inches. So pretty. I love the snow and even though I haven't really been out of the house since Gideon was born, I do enjoy a snowfall.

Everyday Miracles

Ok, I know it has been a month since my last post and according to my friend Corri, if I'm going to be a blogger, I need to actually post a blog :o). It's just been such a crazy month...but I will try to play catch up on all our comings and goings tomorrow. I only have a few minutes before my sweet boy needs me and I really want to post this.

Being a mom has changed me in so many ways, I can't even begin to describe it! One significant change is the way I view relationships. More specifically, my relationship with God. I've come to realize that I have taken so much in my life for granted and I've been so busy that I have missed so many details. Like the sheer magnitude and beauty of nature. What a gift to us from our Father! We have just been hit by a snow storm and while I have always thought snow was beautiful, I saw it differently this time. I couldn't help but think about the uncountable number of snowflakes that fall in one storm. And each and every one of them is different and unique! I mean, can you even wrap your mind around that?? Billions upon billions of tiny flakes, and no two alike! What an awesome God!

This train of thought led me to begin thinking about miracles. There are so many miracles in our everyday lives and we just miss them. While pregnant, I was struck by the miracle of life and how we as humans are a miracle. And now watching Gideon accomplish new tasks - something as simple as reaching his hand for a toy or rolling over, I realize how miracluous life truly is. How many times a day do we complete seemingly meaningless tasks without thinking of how amazing it is that we can walk, talk, type or tie our shoes?

The reason most people (myself included) miss so many miracles is because we don't know what to look for. I admit, when I think miracle, I think walking on water, raising the dead or parting the sea. But what about everyday miracles? What about the ability to smile, to laugh, to encourage? Everyday it's a miracle that we wake up, that gravity keeps us from just floating away, that all of our organs work together in harmony to keep us breathing. I could go on and on...

But what about the "big" miracles? Why don't we see them outside of the Old Testament? This reminded me of a verse (and I'll paraphrase) that we have not because we ask not. Our world is framed by our beliefs and expectations. So if I'm not seeing "big" miracles, maybe it's because I'm not believing big enough. If my God can create an infinite number of unique snowflakes, why can't He perform miracles in my life? BECAUSE HE CAN!! Maybe He's just waiting for me to believe big! So Babe and I have decided to just become outrageous. We are not going to not ask anymore!! We are believing our Father will give us the desires of our heart and that He will supply all our needs and that we will live in abundance. What father wouldn't want that for their child?

So, this is just something that I have been thinking about lately. Maybe it's just me, but I think we all need to take the time to appreciate our everyday miracles and then expect and ask for "big" ones too!

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

I love Christmas, but this year (obviously) was so special! Ironically it was also the most low-key and relaxed Christmas that we've had in...well, ever I think. I was in no condition to travel still, so the Millward Trio stayed in Winchester. It looked like we were going to have a White Christmas, but all of the snow stayed to the south and east of us. Not that it really mattered that much to me, as I haven't been out of the house but about 6 times since Gideon was born. Mama and Trent spent a long weekend with us, which was awesome! Good cooking and good conversation. Trent brought the Wii, so he and Babe were totally preoccupied with that, leaving Mama and me to chat and coo over Gideon.

Gideon continues to grow like a weed - I haven't weighed him since his 3 week check up, but I know he is quite the little butterball! He is smiling all the time now and tries very hard to laugh, but hasn't exactly gotten the hang of that yet. He did learn how to cough one morning while he was eating and now thinks that is the funniest trick ever and will make himself cough and then smile and coo. What a ham! He is super talkative and loves to have conversation with anyone that will make eye contact with him. He is sleeping for longer periods of time at night, anywhere from 4.5-5.5 hours!! In fact, he gave me a wonderful Christmas gift of 7 hours of straight sleep Christmas Eve night!!!! Of course, that hasn't happened since, but oh well!

I've had many visitors lately, and Gideon has tons of playmates that have come around to meet him. It's crazy how many of my friends have babies all so close in age with Gideon! And most of them boys too.

I am seeing a physical therapist and chiropractor to help with my recovery. Everyone seems pleased with how well I am healing, although I am impatient! Nevertheless, it has only been 6 weeks since Gideon was born and considering everything that I went through, I have to admit I am progressing well. It's the smallest of victories that I am proud of, although I will be so happy when I carry get around by myself and carry Gideon without help! Not that he seems to mind ;o) Babe has been a huge help - cooking, grocery shopping, bathing Gideon, etc, etc...What a great guy <3

Catching Up



Quality Time with Daddy



Hangin' with Nana

Wow! Time flies....It has been almost three weeks since I was able to post last and so much as has happened. Babe is back to work and Gideon and I miss him so much. Gideon seems to know when Daddy is coming home and wakes up to play. It is so precious - he gets so excited, waving his hands and talking and kicking! He definitely plays with Daddy differently than Mama! I'm still recuperating from the delivery and haven't been out of the house except to go see my midwives. Gideon is now 24 inches and weighs over 11 pounds! What a little milk monster!! My mom has been here with us this past week - LOVE it!!! What precious time to spend with her and Gideon. And G loves his Nana ;o)



It's so hard to believe that it's almost Christmas. I am so out of it this year! We had the first "snow" of the season 2 days ago. It was only a dusting, but was enough to put me in the holiday spirit! I finally got Babe to get the decorations out of the garage yesterday and I put a few things up in the house. Absurd how quickly that wore me out! We were hoping to get our tree today, but it was raining, so it will have to wait I guess. Seems weird that the last time I was really out in "the swing of things" it wasn't even Thanksgiving and now Christmas is less than two weeks away! Luckily, I will be doing all my shopping online through our business, since I haven't/can't get out!

Gideon has learned how to smile and does so all the time now! He is such a happy baby. He is also holding his head up and will push himself up and look around when I put him on his tummy. Amazing how quickly he is growing and changing. Our kitties are slowly adjusting to having a baby in the house - we've only had two "angry" moments. Gideon seemed to notice them for the first time the other day. He was waving his hands and touched Gracie's tail. He wasn't really sure if he liked that texture! He does seem to be a physical touch baby (from the 5 Love Languages book). He is constantly stroking things and that seems to calm him down too. He loves to pat me while he is eating - precious!!

All dressed to see Tierney!











A World of Firsts

My little warrior has had many firsts in the past two weeks. Not to mention all the firsts for Babe and me!! Gideon was 9lbs, 4oz when he was born, 9lbs the following day and 10lbs at his one week check up!


Tierney and Gideon

Our first week included visits from Nana, Paw-Paw, Aunt Bethany, Grandma Mary and Aunt Erin, and Grandpa Hank and Grandma Betty. Phew!! Lots of visitors...especially since Gideon and I were on strict bed rest!

Nana!!!

My mom stayed with us for most of the first week. Thank goodness!! I was pretty weak and we needed all the help we could get :o)

Paw-Paw

My dad came up the morning after Gideon was born and stayed for the day. He was so excited to meet his grandson!

Aunt Bethany

Aunt Bethany came to visit Wednesday while my mom ran home to take care of some things. She couldn't get enough of my baby!!



Grandma Mary

  Mary and Erin had been planning a visit for months and couldn't wait to hold him!

Aunt Erin has the touch!

Grandpa Hank and Grandma Betty came up for a quick visit and couldn't get enough of Gideon! There were so many camera flashes, I thought the paparazzi was in my bedroom!  

By Sunday, all our visitors had gone home and the Millward Trio was alone for the first time. It was really nice to be home for a few days as a new family. Babe and I seriously just sit and stare at Gideon...he's so perfect!

We gave Gideon his first bath - not a huge success...he spit up, peed on me and then pooped his diaper as soon as he got out. He was cleaner before his bath than after! LOL...Tierney gave us suggestions for the next one (which was a HUGE success).

My precious baby boy - one week old!!



Our Miracle!!

Well, it's been two weeks since Gideon was born, but I swear it mostly feels like a minute! At the same time, I look at his sweet face and can't imagine my life before him.

So here is how it went down...

Sunday, November 14th - I woke up and knew that I was going to have a baby that day. I told Craig and he laughed since we'd been confessing that for weeks now. However, we went to church and I began having very mild pre-labor contractions (nothing new there - had been experiencing those regularly for over a month!). At the conclusion of service, we always get some Panera bagels and bread to take home and this morning I spied a yummy danish ring and I told Babe to grab it "because I am having this baby today and I need something to feed the midwives!". He thought I was joking, but I meant it!!!

Next, we went to run some errands and I noticed that the contractions were getting closer together, so I decided to start timing them. As we walked around Target and Best Buy, they were coming about every 4.5 minutes and lasting about a minute. This lasted about an hour, so we decided to call Tierney. She suggested that we go home and eat lunch and just keep an eye on them. As we pulled out of the Best Buy parking lot, I accidently dropped Babe's Droid in a cup of water!!! (It was sitting on my lap and it fell in as we turned). Needless to say, Babe was stressed! He sped home, ran inside and began "surgery" on his phone - leaving me feeling terrible and oh yeah - the contractions stopped! So now I am sitting on the couch crying #1 because I was sure that I was going into labor and then the contractions suddenly stopped and #2 because I was sure I had ruined Babe's super expensive phone....Long story short, phone is fine and contractions started up as my stress level went down.

Around 4pm, we decided to go for a walk and get this party started. We walked about 2 miles and by now the contractions were consistently every 4 minutes, lasting a minute. We called Tierney again and she decided to come over and check me. At about 6pm, I was only 2 cm dilated and 40-50% effaced! I was distraught! She went home and told us to just keep an eye on things and call her if anything changed. So we had supper and started to get ready for bed. I had decided to begin my maternity leave on Monday, so I called work and set all that up. I eventually fell asleep on the couch, frustrated that I hadn't gone into labor and that I was STILL pregnant.

Around 11pm, a contraction woke me up. I lay on the couch and had a few more and knew that this was IT!! I was in labor - Thank the Lord! I got up, washed my face, told Craig how I was feeling and called my mom around midnight. At a little after 1 in the morning, we called Tierney again and told her it was time. She got there about 2 and checked me - I hadn't made ANY progress since that afternoon!! I was still 2 cm and 50% effaced....so she and Lori (my other midwife) went home and told us to call when things "really got rolling". They instructed us to get as much rest as possible - to which Babe really took to heart! So, Babe and I get in bed, he falls right to sleep and I labor for the next few hours...at 4am, everything kicked into high gear and I knew there was no going back - Gideon was coming!! Mama got there around 5 and she began timing the contractions - every 3-4 minutes, lasting about 1 to 1.5 minutes. Some time around 8, she suggested to Babe that he call Tierney back because she felt like I was in transition. Tierney was here in minutes. She checked me and announced that I was complete and just then my water broke! Everyone jumped into action at this point - Gideon was coming! And FAST!

I was ready to start pushing around 11. We fully expected Gideon to be born by noon. But by 1, I hadn't made much progress and my cervix was beginning to swell, so into the tub I go. No pushing for an hour they told me! Holy moly - that was intense....for the next 4 hours I pushed and pushed and pushed. We tried every position imaginable but Gideon just wasn't coming. Tierney determined that his head was in a posterior position and that he was stuck in my pelvis. We tried everything to get his little (well not so little as it turned out!) head to turn so that he could descend. Nothing was working. I was totally spent, and so was everyone else! At 6pm, Tierney calmly announced that there was nothing else that she could do and that if Gideon wasn't born in the next 30 minutes, we would have to go to the hospital for a c-section.

When she told me this, I knew that would never happen. I looked her in the eye and calmly said "No. No. No. No." What happened next can only be described as a miracle...I had this unreal sense of peace fill me and I closed my eyes and began to pray. Now, all I remember is praying silently in my head, but according to Mama, Babe and the midwives, I began praying aloud as well. Mama said it was like I was having a conversation with Jesus and that it was like He was in the room and I could see Him. Suddenly, my contractions became extremely forceful and this wave of renewed strength came over me. I began pushing like I hadn't pushed all day. In my mind, I saw Gideon's head and beyond it I saw a circle of light and I knew that I just had to push him toward it. And that is exactly what I began to do. As I was seeing all of this in my mind's eye, Mama, Babe, and the midwives were witnessing my miracle. With no assistance, Gideon's head began to turn - he dropped into the correct position and began to descend (all the while I am still praying aloud, totally unbeknowst to me!). Within minutes, I was crowning and then precious Gideon Andrew was in my arms!!!! What I (and my midwives) had not been able to do in 6 hours, God did in about 15 minutes!!! Praise the Lord.

Gideon Andrew Millward, born 11/15/10 at 6:24pm
9lbs, 4 oz  22.5 in. long


As I sit here, 2 weeks later, most of Gideon's labor and delivery are already a blur. I don't remember the pain. In fact, I didn't recall the pain of the contractions by the next day. While 6 hours of pushing is extreme and my body hasn't quite recovered yet, I don't remember the trauma of it. I only remember the second I saw my son's sweet face and the peace of Jesus that remains with me now. God delivered both of us that day and truly my life will never be the same.


God truly was with us!



Counting the Minutes

So, we are 39 weeks pregnant and I have nested and nested and there is nothing left in this house to clean! All the laundry has been washed, folded and put away, the carpets have been steam-cleaned, the floors mopped, the bathrooms are sparkling, the nursery is ready and the pantry is stocked! So with nothing else to do around the house and Gideon holding out, I have determined to turn to starting a blog. Since none of our family is close, hopefully this will provide a way for everyone to keep up with the Millward Trio. 

 We are so excited to meet Gideon. We are planning a home birth with two wonderful midwives. Babe will be catching Gideon! (This would be part of the granola - LOL) Our pregnancy has been so blessed and joyous, nonetheless, I am quite ready to deliver and hold my precious baby boy in my arms.